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Remember When Sexual Assault Used To Be Funny…
The dark, disgusting attitudes of the oldest jokes in the book
When I was around 8 years old, I remember learning a joke from my friend. He came over and started in:
“How do you make a hormone?”
“You hit her with a 2×4.”
Get it? Hormone, but like “whore”, “moan?” I know that certainly got it, and at the time thought it was hilarious. Plus, it was even funnier because my friend learned it from his mom.
There was another joke from that same time: First you’d make sure the person agreed to repeat the words, “ketchup, rubber buns, and liquor” after every question you asked. Then you’d begin by asking the questions rather quickly:
Q: What did you have for breakfast?”
A: Ketchup, rubber buns and liquor.
Q: What did you have for lunch?
A: Ketchup, rubber buns and liquor.
Q: What did you have for dinner?
A: Ketchup, rubber buns and liquor.
Q: What do you do when you see a pretty girl walking down the street?
A: Ketchup, rubber buns and liquor.
Get it? Of course you do! “Catch up! Rub her buns! Lick her!” It’s hilarious, right? Best of all, one could even consider it clean enough for sunday school since it doesn’t have dirty words. After all, that’s where I learned it.
Back in the early aughts when I was in college, Comicview on BET was still fairly hot. One of the funniest bits that my friend Gregg was was a huge fan of came from a comic named Lil’ Duval. The bit was a ridiculous rewrite of a Musiq Soulchild song that was popular at the time called “Just Friends.” In the song, Musiq approaches a young woman to complement her while letting her know that despite him being totally into her, he’s completely secure enough for her not to feel the same and want to be just friends.
Well Lil’ Duval’s version took the same cadence and tone and changed the lyrics to being all about buying drinks for a girl and letting her know what’s up. Know what I mean?! What’s up! Here’s an excerpt from the full lyrics:
